تیری دیوانی Teri Deewani — Your Madwoman

Kailash Kher and Naresh Kamath

Geet

A woman has been completely destroyed by love, and the song is her report of it, and the report keeps breaking into celebration. I am yours, she says. I have died, I have dissolved. What did you do to me. The whole song is spoken from inside that condition, and the condition, it turns out, is the best one she has ever been in.

Kailash Kher and Naresh Kamath wrote it for their band Kailasa, and it became one of the defining Sufi-pop songs of its decade. Four passages ahead, and every one of them is a different way of saying the same thing: I am your madwoman, and I am glad of it.

01 — bal bal jaun apne piya ke ke main jaun vaari vaari

بل بل جاون اپنے پیا کی کہ میں جاون واری واری
موہے سدھ بدھ نہ رہے تن من کی یہ تو جانے دنیا ساری
بے بس اور لاچار پھروں میں ہاری میں دل ہاری
تیرے نام سے جی لوں تیرے نام سے مر جاون
تیری جان کے صدقے میں کچھ ایسا کر جاون

बल बल जाऊँ अपने पिया के के मैं जाऊँ वारी वारी
मोहे सुध बुध ना रहे तन मन की ये तो जाने दुनिया सारी
बे-बस और लाचार फिरूँ मैं हारी मैं दिल हारी
तेरे नाम से जी लूँ तेरे नाम से मर जाऊँ
तेरी जान के सदक़े में कुछ ऐसा कर जाऊँ

bal bal jaun apne piya ke ke main jaun vaari vaari
mohe sudh budh na rahe tan mann ki ye toh jaane duniya saari
bebas aur lachaar phiroon main haari main dil haari
tere naam se jee loon tere naam se mar jaun
teri jaan ke sadqe mein kuchh aisa kar jaun

I give myself for my beloved, over and over and over. My senses are gone, body and mind, and the whole world knows it. I wander helpless and destitute, defeated, my heart defeated. I will live in your name, I will die in your name. I will do something, in the sacrifice of your life, that proves it.

The devotion of the household, bal bal jaana, is the opening's idiom, and the song escalates it immediately: vaari vaari, over and over, a gift repeated past counting. The confession that the whole world knows she is out of her senses makes the madness public, which is important in this tradition, because a love that hides is not love. Then the vow that holds both ends of life in one sentence, and the deed that is promised but never named, because the deed that proves it cannot be spoken.

واری واری vaari vaari: over and over; a gift given repeatedly
سدھ بدھ sudh budh: one's senses, one's wits
صدقہ sadqa: a sacrifice offered on someone's behalf

02 — tune kya kar dala

تونے کیا کر ڈالا
مر گئی میں مٹ گئی میں
ہو رے ہا ہا رے ہو گئی میں
تیری دیوانی دیوانی

तूने क्या कर डाला
मर गई मैं मिट गई मैं
हो रे हा हा रे हो गई मैं
तेरी दीवानी दीवानी

tune kya kar dala
mar gayi main mit gayi main
ho re ha ha re ho gayi main
teri deewani deewani

What have you done. I have died, I have dissolved. Ho, ha ha, I have become, your madwoman, your madwoman.

The refrain, and the whole song's verdict on itself. Mar gayi, mit gayi: died and dissolved, two verbs for the same erasure, and then the laughter, ho re ha ha re, which is the most important sound in the line, because it is a person laughing at her own ruin. The laughter is what turns the death into a triumph. Deewani then lands with both its meanings, madness and love, and the song refuses to tell them apart.

دیوانی deewani: a madwoman; a woman mad with love

03 — ishq junoon jab hadh se badh jaaye

عشق جنون جب حد سے بڑھ جائے
ہنستے ہنستے عاشق سلی چڑھ جائے
عشق کا جادو سر چڑھ کر بولے
خوب لگا لو پہرے رستے رب کھولے
یہی عشق کی مرضی ہے یہی رب کی مرضی ہے
تیرے بن جینا کیسا ہاں خود غرضی ہے

इश्क़ जुनून जब हद से बढ़ जाए
हँसते हँसते आशिक़ सली चढ़ जाए
इश्क़ का जादू सर चढ़ कर बोले
ख़ूब लगाओ पहरे रस्ते रब खोले
यही इश्क़ की मरज़ी है यही रब की मरज़ी है
तेरे बिन जीना कैसा हाँ ख़ुदग़र्ज़ी है

ishq junoon jab hadh se badh jaaye
hanste hanste aashiq sali chadh jaaye
ishq ka jaadu sar chadhkar bole
khoob laga lo pehre raste rab khole
yahi ishq ki marzi hai yahi rab ki marzi hai
tere bin jeena kaisa haan khudgarzi hai

When love's madness passes all bounds, the lover climbs the stake, smiling. Love's magic mounts to the head and speaks. Put up your guards, do your worst: God opens the roads. This is the will of love, this is the will of God. And living without you, what is that, it is only selfishness.

The philosophy of the song, and it walks straight into the tradition's largest claims. The stake, salee, is the image from the Majnun legend, the lover impaled and smiling, and the song uses it as the ceiling of devotion. Then the boast: set your guards, khoob laga lo pehre, the roads are opened by God anyway. The will of love and the will of God are named in one breath, which is the theology of the whole region. And the last line is the sharpest: to live without you is not heroism, it is khudgarzi, selfishness.

جنون junoon: madness, frenzy
سلی sali: a stake; the lover's impalement
خود غرضی khudgarzi: selfishness, self-interest

04 — he main rang rangili deewani

ہے میں رنگ رنگیلی دیوانی
ہے میں البیلی میں مستانی
گاؤں بجاؤں سب کو رجھاؤں
ہے دل دھرم سے بیگانی
کہ میں دیوانی میں دیوانی

हे मैं रंग रंगीली दीवानी
हे मैं अलबेली मैं मस्तानी
गाऊँ बजाऊँ सबको रिझाऊँ
हे दिल धरम से बेगानी
के मैं दीवानी मैं दीवानी

he main rang rangili deewani
he main albeli main mastani
gaun bajauu sabko rijhaun
he dil dharam se begani
ke main deewani main deewani

I am the colourful madwoman. I am the wild one, the intoxicated one. I sing, I play, I charm everyone. And my heart is estranged from religion. For I am the madwoman, I am the madwoman.

The celebration of the condition, sung entirely in the self-descriptions of the ecstatic. Rang rangili, coloured, is the word for a woman dressed in all the hues, and albela and mastana are the two great adjectives of the carefree and the intoxicated. The passage's claim is the last one: the heart is begani to religion, estranged from it. The line is the tradition's oldest scandal, worn here with total lightness: the state she is in has outgrown the law that would judge it.

البیلہ albela: wild, carefree, charming
مستانی mastani: the intoxicated woman
بیگانی begani: estranged, a stranger to

Reading it whole

The song is sung in the feminine, which is the register of the great bhakti and Sufi songs of the region: the soul is the bride, and the beloved is the bridegroom, and the marriage is total. The opening line sets the tone in the oldest idiom available: bal bal jaun apne piya ke, I give myself, over and over, for my beloved. The folk phrase bal bal jaana is the devotion of the household, a woman swearing her life on her man, and the song takes that devotion and runs it past every limit.

The first passage is the inventory of the ruin, and the ruin is total. She has lost her senses, body and mind, and the whole world knows it. She wanders helpless, defeated, haari. And then the song's central vow, in the form that all the Sufi songs use: tere naam se jee loon, tere naam se mar jaun. I will live in your name, I will die in your name. The vow is a single sentence with both ends of life in it, and the last line of the passage raises it further: I will do something, in the sacrifice of your life, that proves it, kuchh aisa kar jaun. The deed is never specified. That is the design: it is the deed that cannot be specified.

The refrain is the verdict on herself, and it is the most quotable thing the song has. Tune kya kar dala, mar gayi main, mit gayi main: what have you done, I have died, I have dissolved. And the second half of the refrain gives the death its true name: ho gayi main teri deewani. I have become your madwoman. The word deewani does double work, as it always does: it is the clinical word for madness and the highest word for love, and the song means both and refuses to separate them.

The third passage is the philosophy of it, and it goes straight to the tradition's largest claims. When love's madness, junoon, passes all bounds, the lover climbs the stake smiling, hanste hanste aashiq salee chadh jaaye. It is the image of Majnun's whole legend, and the song then says what it has been doing: this is the will of love, yehi ishq ki marzi hai, and the will of God, yehi rab ki marzi hai. The two are named in the same breath, which is the whole theology of the region's love poetry. And the last line of the passage is the sharpest: tere bin jeena kaisa, haan khudgarzi hai. Living without you is not virtue, it is selfishness. The suffering of love is reframed as the only unselfish act available.

The last passage is the celebration of the condition. I am the colourful madwoman, rang rangili deewani. I am the wild one, the intoxicated one, albela, mastani. I sing and play and charm everyone, and my heart is estranged from religion, dil dharam se begani. The line is the song's final position: the madwoman stands outside the law, and the law has nothing to do with the state she is in. Kailash Kher's voice, with the band Kailasa behind him, made the song a standard that weddings and qawwali gatherings both claim.

Recordings

Kailash Kher

The official video by the band Kailasa.

Text and rights

Devanagari text supplied and checked by a reader who knows the language. The Urdu script and the transliteration follow that reading.

The song is from the band Kailasa, written by Kailash Kher and Naresh Kamath. The refrain returns between passages in the recording, more often than it is printed here.

The writers are alive and the song is recent work. It is quoted here as the subject of Harf's own criticism: the translation, the reading of each passage and the essay around them are original work written for this page. If you hold the rights and would like something changed, tell us on Instagram.